I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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