he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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