I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
