She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
