So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
