Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
