I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
