So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
