i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
