I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize