kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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