I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
May the power of my ass compel you!!
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
