I'm lost and stupid without you.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
