So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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