Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
