I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
