need another drink. this is the easiest way
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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