just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
we're so committed to being not committed
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
