You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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