why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
