Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
