You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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