I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I got her a Nickelback box set.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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