The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
