Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
The uberlube is also flammable
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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