well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
