Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
