last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
My feet surprised me
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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