Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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