Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
