Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
