They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
false alarm, still single
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
