I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
