Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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