And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
