I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
My balls are so social today.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
