So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I need mimosas to revive my soul
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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