i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
either way he was missing a nipple.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
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