Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize