This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
