I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
