***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
