In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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