It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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