He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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