dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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