I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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