Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize