So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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