After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
