You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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