I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
