Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
