i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize