Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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