Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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