Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
