Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
