Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
