We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
