Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
