I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
