just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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