you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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