On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
