I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
