Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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