I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
