This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
