and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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