I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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