I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
