Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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