eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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