Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
