Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
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