and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
