this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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