I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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