so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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