My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
